Public gets input on how to make Monopoly even worse

Ah, Monopoly. One of the most popular board games in the world. And, as has been noted before, likely the reason many people wind up hating board games.

But Hasbro, in their infinite wisdom, is now running a debate on the official Monopoly Facebook page seeking the input of Monopoly fans/lovers/tolerators on what "house rules" –the unofficial rules that people will often use on their own in lieu of the actual rules of the game – will become official:

From the Christian Science Monitor:

Starting Tuesday through April 3, Facebook fans can debate 10 'house rules' that are on the site. The top rules will make it into the House Rules Edition that will be available in the fall. They'll also be in the classic Monopoly's game guide in 2015, although officially the rules will not change.

As of this writing, two of the suggested rules have been released for discussion: One that allows a player to receive $400 for landing exactly on Go instead of the usual $200 and another that does not allow a player to collect rent from other players while in Jail. So, we have horrible idea and one that could wind being OK or horrible.

But, what is constantly showing up in the comments? Of course, the single thing you can do that turns Monopoly from just a badly-designed game with counterintuitive rules into pure, genuine Board Game Hell: Putting money in the middle of the damned board that goes to whoever lands in Free Parking first.

NO. NONONONONONONONONOFUCKINGNO.

Just think about this for a second: What is the most common complaint about Monopoly? That it takes too long to play. There's a very simple reason why that happens: Too much money. A game of Monopoly ends when all but one player has gone bankrupt and lost all of their money. So any time you add money back into the game – like say by passing Go or giving people money when they land on Free Parking – that actually allows players to stay in the game longer. Thus the entire game goes longer. There Monopoly becomes a fun 30-minute game packed into three hours.

There are still eight more house rules left to be released by Hasbro, so we'll see if anything better comes along. But thus far, not impressed.

In the meantime, the simplest ways to speed up Monopoly? Play by the actual rules of the game:

  • Nothing for landing on free parking. EVER.
  • Go directly to Jail if you roll doubles three times in a row.
  • Put a property up for auction to the highest bidder if the person who lands on it doesn't want to buy it.
  • Actively trade properties with other players as much as possible in order to secure the monopolies needed to buy houses and hotels. You especially want to get the orange & red properties, since those are landed on most often than other properties due to their location near Jail.